Every time I go into a fast food joint (which I need to stop altogether anyway) and just observe — everything from the body language of the workers, the cynical dialogue between coworkers to the seeming disdain of the employees every time they take an order — it points to our culture being raised on and sustained through a steady and unnecessary diet of sarcasm. I’m as guilty as the next person of being an avid Seinfeld fan, where so much of the humor is steeped in essentially making fun of the flaws of the next person, to their face, and for some reason expect them to not “get it” has become so prevalent I think it’s actually damaging us. I think so many of the day to day practitioners of this brand of humor actually expect a laugh track to be cued up at their every jabbing quip and sharp retort directed at above mentioned teenage fast food worker, or whoever may have incurred their wrath this particular moment. Where did this come from? What is this hiding? And most importantly, how do we balance ourselves back out and stop thinking it’s so cool to be a jerk.

I honestly think that sarcasm is one of society’s most readily accepted and unchallenged defense mechanisms. It’s also one of the most commonly and readily accepted forms of rudeness. It’s also a convenient way to not have to deal with disappointment, frustration or any other normal hurdle, because to seem en vogue with our reaction and appear as if we are unaffected by the very emotions that make us human, is somehow easier. Isn’t it easier, less risky and more comforting by just behaving in an aloof manner? The short-term answer is yes, but what happens as we continue this little act? The short answer to the short-term effect is that we never really open up because we are fearful that some other bottled up, master of sarcasm will make us feel less than for showing we actually really do care about something. Instead of being harsh with each other as human beings, why not commend one another when we take a risk or do something beyond our own self-imposed or established limits? Then when the parents and adults do it, the children will follow.

Humor is a funny thing, pun unintended, yet so complicated to convey. Sarcasm in the realm of humor is a cop out for those who exclusively use it as their only brand. Sure, many funny stories have elements of sarcasm, but still only elements, not their entire foundation. It’s a lazy and simple thing to do, to be a one trick pony, yet we’ve let our comedians of the day off the hook, and in turn, helped them create a legion of sarcastic zombies that don’t “get” anything else. When you feel your emotions bubbling up and an unproductive sarcastic remark is about to leave your lips, ask yourself what other feeling you’re actually experiencing and attempting to mask by looking for something clever and/or existentialist to say. Look for true expression through the embrace of those very feelings.

But a warning, this reflection requires courage. The same courage not needed to simply follow the trend. We are a creative species when challenged to be, and when we are unchallenged we sometimes rise, and sometimes we fail. The challenge is to be creative with our outlets for expressing defeat and humanness, and to not punish those closest to us with damaging, petty comments that would have them share in whatever temporary pain we are experiencing. It’s not fair to your loved ones and we can be more thoughtful than that. Likewise resist the urge to exclusively support this type of humor. Maybe you can even practice being ironic to the practitioners and give no reaction when someone makes a sarcastic joke, because who knows, they may even care.