What is a True Friend

[WORDS By: Sadiq Ali]

We often times hear the word friend being thrown around and most usually on social networks. Because of the pervasiveness and ubiquitous nature of these networks, many people have, unfortunately, began to use the word ‘friend’ interchangeably with less impactful and traditionally more sterile terms like follower, subscriber or connection. These words couldn’t be further from the definition, in my humble opinion, of what a true should be to us.

It has been said that friends are the family we choose and this remains one of my favorites thoughts on the subject. If we can choose, are we making as deliberate a choice as we do with something a tad less important like, say, our shoes for the day? Or how about what/where we will eat lunch? Life-changing decisions I know. But what I’m really referring to is a specific set of characteristics of what a true friend is and what a true friend isn’t.

I’ll start by saying it loud and clear that a true friend isn’t one that constantly strokes your ego. And please keep in mind that being mindful and conscious of one’s feelings isn’t the same as never delivering any constructive feedback or tough love. Surrounding yourself with “yes men” or “yes women” is a sure fire way to guarantee mediocrity in great abundance in your life. A true friend also doesn’t support you when you are blatantly wrong, behaving recklessly or placing yourself or others in jeopardy. A true will probably back you up in the moment, just enough so you are not injured or hurt, but will surely tell you about yourself later.

On the other hand a true friend also won’t discourage you from trying something risky that has a potentially life altering reward on the other side, just because you have never done or even attempted this task or project before. They will instead offer encouragement, confidence reinforcing tidbits, and may even join in to help make sure you don’t back out. In other words they stretch you and force you to become better. All too often it is the people closest to us that inadvertently and unintentionally plant seeds of self-doubt that then grow into full grown oak trees of non-accomplishment, all in the good name of our feelings and protecting us from ourselves in a big, bad, scary world.

It’s all but cliché now, the saying that you are the composite of your 5 closest friends, yet I still happen to believe this is very true. So the question is who are your top 5 friends and how are they helping you be better (and vice versa)? Are they being great accountability partners for you when you say you really want something, but your actions haven’t quite aligned? Are they telling you that you can and not that you shouldn’t? Are they giving you feedback to get better or do they all think you’re perfect? If your current ‘friends’ don’t fit the bill in any of these areas, it might be time to get some new followers.