So the sentiment in the title, literally, is one we’ve ALL either expressed ourselves and/or have heard expressed to us. It’s never comfortable. At the lower end of the spectrum it’s off-putting and worst case, it’s cause for checking out, mentally, from whatever family event you find yourself and then making the solemn promise that this family gathering will be your last for some time. The reason is very simple: no one likes being put on the spot or confronted in front of others. This small rule is one of the biggest mistakes family members, friends, supervisors and even parents make: correcting, confronting or accosting others in front of an audience. The thing about audiences is that they love a good show. And your impromptu studio audience never disappoints! They clap and cheer, boo, cry, moan and hiss when the “actors” you created start to play roles. It’s an immutable law of human nature that many of us have yet to acknowledge. Therefore, if you do not want to create an audience or place unwitting actors into a production, avoid confronting people in front of others this holiday season. This doesn’t mean you must avoid “touchy” conversations or not confront those who you may have issues with. It simply means to mind your approach and take another rule into consideration: the Rule of One. It has three parts: a) One Conversation with b) One Person and c) One at a Time. Instead of using confrontation with a crowd as a means to address past issues or unresolved situations in a group setting, utilize the power of the Rule of One. The rule is simply that when you finally muster the courage to have the conversation, that you have it with one person and focus on one conversation at a time. When you speak to mostly anyone as an individual, or as one person, you get a stark contrast against when you have either mob mentality, groupthink or putting people on a stage to act out. Individual people are calm, introspective and reasonable. Groups are unruly, emotional and unstable. I’ve already described the number one thing actors do when put on a stage–they perform. One conversation, with one person...
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My breakdown of one of the most overused pieces of business/life advice In my work as a trainer, facilitator, teacher and mentor, one of my goals is always to be as specific as possible and to try and stay as far from clichés and empty speech as possible. I also pride myself on not giving advice or speaking on matters in which I have no direct knowledge or experience, preferring to instead point people to others who would know better than I. Some people want to have all the answers and then feel bad when they don’t; this leads to much bad advice being given, and unfortunately, received. So one of my main goals is to break down and explain some of the traditional pieces of advice that often leave people of all ages frustrated, especially young people–who we tell constantly to “listen up” and “work hard” and follow advice of almost everyone around them, even though some of it is thoughtless, silly and downright detrimental. And sometimes giving empty, ill thought-out advice is worse than none at all. With this thought in mind, today, I’d like to break down, from my humble vantage point, what one of the most over-used, actually under-utilized phrases and singular pieces of advice (and business strategy) means to me. This advice is to follow-up. “You wouldn’t be looked over if you followed-up.” “If you want something, you have to follow-up.” “Did you follow-up?” “I was waiting for you follow-up.” And one million other uses we hear, literally, on the hour, every hour. But what does it actually mean to follow-up? And how do you do it properly? My simple definition of follow-up is: to remind, poke, prod and otherwise engage a party or parties until the desired decision is arrived at. Notice I didn’t say “a” decision, I said “desired decision.” This is because if you weren’t following up to get something you wanted, why bother following up or initiating the conversation or exchange at all? Hope could work. Not! Simply, you follow up until the other party says “yes” or, “drop dead!” And even with “drop dead”, at least you can move on! Nothing besides these two answers count....
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How many times has doubt swept over you? How many times have you figuratively or literally banged your head against the wall because your friends, family, or both haven’t gotten on board or given you the ringing vote of confidence you thought you deserve? Before I give you my answer, I’ll dispel the common wisdom right now. It’s actually not them. It’s you. Unfortunately, you’ve conditioned them to only half believe you. This is because you’ve done things in a half way before. You’ve conditioned them to only half trust you, because you’ve only half trusted yourself for so long. You have conditioned those who should be your biggest fans and supporters and cheerleaders to watch from the sidelines wondering if you’ll finish, because you’ve started so many things and never finished many of them. It’s not their fault their belief is low. It’s yours. Now the question remains, what will you do about it? In my short time on the planet, I’ve discovered that the only sure fire way to turn doubters into supporters, and neutral family members into raving lunatics on your behalf, is CONSISTENCY. The other thing that I know, and know well (and you do too, if you’re honest) is that things never just change for the better on their own. So back to consistency: do not quit; do not give the indication it’s crossed your mind; talk about and do nothing else except what you said you would. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. We get so excited about the first new shiny object for the fifth time this month and expect for everyone we know to magically jump on board at the drop of a hat. That’s not realistic, and quote frankly, it tires them out. How about we find one thing, check it out a bit, and then throw ourselves into it. After we’ve vetted it, taken the time to understand it and can speak to it, now we can spread our enthusiasm for it. Maybe even give yourself time to achieve a small win with it and you’ll be that much further along when it comes time to deal with the naysayers, for surely they will come. “First they’ll ask you what you’re doing,...
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I think we’ve all heard this old adage: “How you do one thing is how you do all things.” I’ve ruminated on this thought for some time now, years even at this point, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I agree. I think it’s also the case with most “aha” moments that once you come to a certain realization, you simultaneously come to grips with exactly how much work you actually have to do in order to meet this new ideal. This quote is the ultimate reminder. How you do one thing has much to do with our own individual attitudes we project when faced with any task. The challenge comes into play when we are obligated to do certain tasks that we either don’t want to do, or even flat-out dislike. But they must be done. It’s these tasks and assignments and duties, in my opinion, that this quote is referring to. Because how much of a challenge is it to do things well that we like to do, want to do and that it was our idea to do? Usually not much at all. But how do we control ourselves when faced with the challenge of completing those regular, mundane tasks? Well I think it comes down to two words we all know well: character and reputation. Character is routinely defined as what you do when no one is watching, and to me, how you treat people that you don’t have to treat well. Reputation is what others think of you, perceive you as and associate you with. In short, character is what you actually do, or in this case how you actually work, and reputation is what other people think you do. This is what it comes down to. What do you actually do versus what do you want to be known for. Believe it or not, many times there’s a direct correlation between these ideas. Only you know deep down if your performance is a result of maximum effort, and no one can prove or disprove your assertion on this. But through it all, what is the task worth to you? I also relate individual performance on mundane tasks to one of my absolute...
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2014 was the year of connectivity. We watched our entire world become one huge web of posts, pictures, likes, comments, and interests. If you weren’t paying attention, you could have easily fallen victim to connection overload. You know that numb feeling you get when everyone on your social media, texts, and emails is conversing about the same thing? Yup, that actually happened recently with the Oscars. But what does that mean to ordinary human beings such as myself? Furthermore, what does it mean for our desires to, one day, give our boss the pink slip? Yes, connectivity has a lot to do with it, but the rabbit hole runs a bit deeper. Since we are in the age of limitless connection, those of us who are looking to the people in our feeds to spark some type of inspiration as to where should we go next to kick the cubicle to the curb, are being flooded with every business known to man. So how do we pick through the weeds to get the roses? Let’s be clear: if you want to succeed in making even a one percent profit, whether you are in web-based business, day-trading, or building diesel engines, you’re going to have to break some mental chains. Don’t believe you have any? The fact that you still haven’t taken the leap into entrepreneurship is like the sound of the chains dragging the ground, no pun intended. But let’s be serious, the entire way we are making the next buck is changing and it’s not by mistake. So we want courageous people like you to take advantage now, before it’s 30 years down the road and you’re putting your genius to work stamping hands at six flags. There are tons of articles that propose that entrepreneurs are somehow made up of this special something, a magic mix of wit and intelligence that makes money materialize out of thin air. I hate to break it to you, that school of thought is almost blasphemous. NO ONE HAS A MONOPOLY ON ENTREPRENEURSHIP! The only difference between those who do and those who don’t is they have mentally convinced themselves of one or all of the following three thoughts: ...
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I am honored to start my first official blog, as part of the Millionaire Manners Academy. The founder of the Millionaire Manners movement is a dear friend of mine. Mr. Sadiq Abdul Ali is a 21st century renaissance man, a gifted visionary, and a marketing genius. The gift of solicitation is a gift that runs in Sadiq’s blood, he gets it from his father, who was a entrepreneur and renaissance man in his own right. So, it is amazing and refreshing that Sadiq decided that giving back to society in a way that inspires, empowers, and enlightens it’s constituents was going to be the next course of action in his life. Today, I join Sadiq in earnest, in spreading the message of self-empowerment, and betterment to our society. I will begin to share some nuggets that have accumulated within my mind over the course of the past thirty years, and my hope is that you can learn some lessons in leadership that will propel you to bring forth the best version of yourself. Today’s thought is inspired by a common question usually phrased: “What is the first step I need to take to become a leader?” My response to this question is in order to lead one must be followed. The only time a human being follows another human being is under four circumstances, 1) when one is in love, 2) when one is inspired 3) when one is afraid, 4) when one is required. Thus, one must invoke one of these feelings within another person in order to get them to follow your message, plan, or vision. Being able to invoke love, inspiration, or fear, within a human being is a very deep concept. However, being “required” to follow is a very familiar concept, and it is the concept that our education system, industrial workforce, as well as corporate environments are built on. Thus most people whom we would not identify as “leaders” wind up in leadership positions through the module of “assigned leadership”. So, if you are not afforded an opportunity to be an “assigned leader” in any wake of life, how does one acquire the traits to invoke love, inspiration, or fear in another human in order to lead? That, my friend, will be...
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