For many people the act of being ‘nice’, or what is many times perceived as nice, doesn’t come as easily. I hear from people who attend our workshops or who have read my book, that “I’m just not that outgoing or personable” (which usually isn’t true) or from people who might be more outspoken and affable that sometimes “I just don’t feel like being nice today.”

Have you felt this way before? I know I have. This is an especially common feeling for those who have a profession or job that keeps them in the spotlight a large portion of the time. It can also be true for those in supervisory or leadership positions. Or you could just be the leader amongst your peer group, the person to whom all others look to for guidance, direction or just the uplifting word when they are feeling down. For this group of people they often ask the question in the title of this piece, “What if I just don’t feel like being nice today??”

I’ll answer the question by giving you the one word opportunity that you now have whenever you get this feeling: authenticity. Whenever you don’t feel like putting on the biggest smile, or saying hello with the most oomph that morning, understand that when you own this realization, you are at your most genuine, authentic state. It’s when we deny our feelings that we become disingenuous. It is when we own those feelings that we become authentic.

I point to three years ago when my father passed away. It was an extremely tough time for me, and for those who know me personally, know that I wasn’t my normal happy, outgoing, talkative self. I became much more reserved, thoughtful and emotive. So to deny these true and genuine feelings, would have been to deny a part of myself, which is never healthy. Instead of the common “fake it ’til you make it” wisdom, I embraced my somber state, at least for a moment, and in turn, had some of the most meaningful conversations I’ve ever had in my life, sometimes with people I had never had that type of interaction with.

Many times being ‘nice’ or its first cousin ‘acting nice’ become shields or walls for us to hide behind and never have any real interactions. If I just tell everyone everything is fine, I never have to face my own feelings, analyze, and actually get closer to being fine. But this is the opportunity we each have daily, especially when we are just not feeling it that day. Attempt a smile, but then when someone asks how you are doing, ask them “Can I be honest?” and when they say “Of course” share something with them from your true self. Now surely there is some risk involved here, and we must beware of the TMI syndrome, but to share your feelings of doubt about a new position, or your kid’s anxiety about their coming recital or anything that is weighing heavy on your mind or heart, and is contributing to your melancholy mood, speak on it and build a new relationship.

This is the road to authenticity.