For many people the act of being ‘nice’, or what is many times perceived as nice, doesn’t come as easily. I hear from people who attend our workshops or who have read my book, that “I’m just not that outgoing or personable” (which usually isn’t true) or from people who might be more outspoken and affable that sometimes “I just don’t feel like being nice today.” Have you felt this way before? I know I have. This is an especially common feeling for those who have a profession or job that keeps them in the spotlight a large portion of the time. It can also be true for those in supervisory or leadership positions. Or you could just be the leader amongst your peer group, the person to whom all others look to for guidance, direction or just the uplifting word when they are feeling down. For this group of people they often ask the question in the title of this piece, “What if I just don’t feel like being nice today??” I’ll answer the question by giving you the one word opportunity that you now have whenever you get this feeling: authenticity. Whenever you don’t feel like putting on the biggest smile, or saying hello with the most oomph that morning, understand that when you own this realization, you are at your most genuine, authentic state. It’s when we deny our feelings that we become disingenuous. It is when we own those feelings that we become authentic. I point to three years ago when my father passed away. It was an extremely tough time for me, and for those who know me personally, know that I wasn’t my normal happy, outgoing, talkative self. I became much more reserved, thoughtful and emotive. So to deny these true and genuine feelings, would have been to deny a part of myself, which is never healthy. Instead of the common “fake it ’til you make it” wisdom, I embraced my somber state, at least for a moment, and in turn, had some of the most meaningful conversations I’ve ever had in my life, sometimes with people I had never had that type of interaction with. Many times being ‘nice’ or its first...
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Every time I go into a fast food joint (which I need to stop altogether anyway) and just observe — everything from the body language of the workers, the cynical dialogue between coworkers to the seeming disdain of the employees every time they take an order — it points to our culture being raised on and sustained through a steady and unnecessary diet of sarcasm. I’m as guilty as the next person of being an avid Seinfeld fan, where so much of the humor is steeped in essentially making fun of the flaws of the next person, to their face, and for some reason expect them to not “get it” has become so prevalent I think it’s actually damaging us. I think so many of the day to day practitioners of this brand of humor actually expect a laugh track to be cued up at their every jabbing quip and sharp retort directed at above mentioned teenage fast food worker, or whoever may have incurred their wrath this particular moment. Where did this come from? What is this hiding? And most importantly, how do we balance ourselves back out and stop thinking it’s so cool to be a jerk. I honestly think that sarcasm is one of society’s most readily accepted and unchallenged defense mechanisms. It’s also one of the most commonly and readily accepted forms of rudeness. It’s also a convenient way to not have to deal with disappointment, frustration or any other normal hurdle, because to seem en vogue with our reaction and appear as if we are unaffected by the very emotions that make us human, is somehow easier. Isn’t it easier, less risky and more comforting by just behaving in an aloof manner? The short-term answer is yes, but what happens as we continue this little act? The short answer to the short-term effect is that we never really open up because we are fearful that some other bottled up, master of sarcasm will make us feel less than for showing we actually really do care about something. Instead of being harsh with each other as human beings, why not commend one another when we take a risk or do something beyond our own...
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[WORDS By: Sadiq Ali] We hear the older generation say all the time, things like “the younger generation doesn’t care” or “these kids today________(insert derisive negative here)” or one of my favorites, “when we were growing up…..”; or many others that point to alternate meanings that equate to a lack of drive, passion, or even intelligence. This couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is the generation today does not know a world without cloud computing, the internet or iPhones, and they have no interest in nostalgic musings about such a place. I’d actually have to agree. They have more information at their fingertips on an afternoon than, as some noted technology experts have been quoted as saying, all the content created in the history of language prior to about 2005. This means the pool of knowledge that today’s youth can pull from to help form opinions and consequently shape their vantage points is vast, deep and growing by the minute. Someone who has read only 5 books and then is asked to write their own, will undoubtedly create a composite work of those other five books. It is simply the way our brains work. However, if the same person reads 500 books, the laws of mathematics and probabilities dictate the new work will be virtually unrecognizable to the reader as the previous 500 pieces of those other works will have been combined, recombined and then reconnected in new and beautiful ways. This is how I view the youth today. Only again, some experts say they have access to the equivalent of probably 500,000 books and are asked to construct a single volume. The older generation has no clue what the subsequent work is, and in some cases, don’t even know how to open it! How do we reconcile this disconnect of communication, output, generations? I’d start by saying that the issue is not that there is too much information available, because there isn’t. And if anyone believes that now, today, in 2014, just wait because in about 5 years there will be approximately double or triple that, and then in another 2 years double or triple that. Instead, it is my opinion we simply need to suggest, instruct in...
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[WORDS By: Sadiq Ali] Picture this day. The first day of school at your very first school. You have on brand-new everything. You’re smiling, happy, slightly nervous but your mom and/or dad is right there. Then you walk inside those big doors full of even bigger dreams. Your first teacher then asks the magic question: “what do you want to be when you grow up??” No other single question in our collective consciousness is as ethereal, emotive, palpable and utterly terrifying as this. The range of emotions is almost exclusively based on whether you have attempted any what you thought of, or if you haven’t thought of this question since that day. Terror if you haven’t. Giddiness at the possibility; anxiety because you’re still working. I submit to you that this is one of the greatest unanswered questions in our lives that we ALL have the ability to answer whenever we want. All it takes is a little thing that we have to literally unlearn from our time as children how to use: our imagination. Napoleon Hill calls it “the creative power of the soul” and teaches that it is the foundation for all self-improvement and ultimate success because before it happens, you must, must, must imagine it first. How were we robbed of this key to life? Who did this to us? And most importantly, how do we reclaim it? We hear over and over again (sometimes) well-meaning phrases like “get real” or “stop dreaming” coupled with lies like “dreams don’t pay the bills” or “get your head out of the clouds” and countless other thoughts, phrases and general mistruths about the nature of one of life’s greatest assets. Flashback again to the answers we gave to that question on the first day of school: doctor, lawyer, scientist are great of course, but what about the others?? I’m talking dragon slayer, Queen of the Earth, King of America, race car driver, stunt driver, stunt man, astronaut, chocolate factory owner, ninja (my son’s favorite), super famous dancer, actor or singer, demolition guy, cowboy, super hero, time traveler and soooo many others. These are just a few of chosen professions we would do if we only used our imaginations. And...
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What is a True Friend [WORDS By: Sadiq Ali] We often times hear the word friend being thrown around and most usually on social networks. Because of the pervasiveness and ubiquitous nature of these networks, many people have, unfortunately, began to use the word ‘friend’ interchangeably with less impactful and traditionally more sterile terms like follower, subscriber or connection. These words couldn’t be further from the definition, in my humble opinion, of what a true should be to us. It has been said that friends are the family we choose and this remains one of my favorites thoughts on the subject. If we can choose, are we making as deliberate a choice as we do with something a tad less important like, say, our shoes for the day? Or how about what/where we will eat lunch? Life-changing decisions I know. But what I’m really referring to is a specific set of characteristics of what a true friend is and what a true friend isn’t. I’ll start by saying it loud and clear that a true friend isn’t one that constantly strokes your ego. And please keep in mind that being mindful and conscious of one’s feelings isn’t the same as never delivering any constructive feedback or tough love. Surrounding yourself with “yes men” or “yes women” is a sure fire way to guarantee mediocrity in great abundance in your life. A true friend also doesn’t support you when you are blatantly wrong, behaving recklessly or placing yourself or others in jeopardy. A true will probably back you up in the moment, just enough so you are not injured or hurt, but will surely tell you about yourself later. On the other hand a true friend also won’t discourage you from trying something risky that has a potentially life altering reward on the other side, just because you have never done or even attempted this task or project before. They will instead offer encouragement, confidence reinforcing tidbits, and may even join in to help make sure you don’t back out. In other words they stretch you and force you to become better. All too often it is the people closest to us that inadvertently and unintentionally plant seeds of self-doubt...
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