So the sentiment in the title, literally, is one we’ve ALL either expressed ourselves and/or have heard expressed to us. It’s never comfortable. At the lower end of the spectrum it’s off-putting and worst case, it’s cause for checking out, mentally, from whatever family event you find yourself and then making the solemn promise that this family gathering will be your last for some time. The reason is very simple: no one likes being put on the spot or confronted in front of others. This small rule is one of the biggest mistakes family members, friends, supervisors and even parents make: correcting, confronting or accosting others in front of an audience. The thing about audiences is that they love a good show. And your impromptu studio audience never disappoints! They clap and cheer, boo, cry, moan and hiss when the “actors” you created start to play roles. It’s an immutable law of human nature that many of us have yet to acknowledge. Therefore, if you do not want to create an audience or place unwitting actors into a production, avoid confronting people in front of others this holiday season. This doesn’t mean you must avoid “touchy” conversations or not confront those who you may have issues with. It simply means to mind your approach and take another rule into consideration: the Rule of One. It has three parts: a) One Conversation with b) One Person and c) One at a Time. Instead of using confrontation with a crowd as a means to address past issues or unresolved situations in a group setting, utilize the power of the Rule of One. The rule is simply that when you finally muster the courage to have the conversation, that you have it with one person and focus on one conversation at a time. When you speak to mostly anyone as an individual, or as one person, you get a stark contrast against when you have either mob mentality, groupthink or putting people on a stage to act out. Individual people are calm, introspective and reasonable. Groups are unruly, emotional and unstable. I’ve already described the number one thing actors do when put on a stage–they perform. One conversation, with one person...
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My breakdown of one of the most overused pieces of business/life advice In my work as a trainer, facilitator, teacher and mentor, one of my goals is always to be as specific as possible and to try and stay as far from clichés and empty speech as possible. I also pride myself on not giving advice or speaking on matters in which I have no direct knowledge or experience, preferring to instead point people to others who would know better than I. Some people want to have all the answers and then feel bad when they don’t; this leads to much bad advice being given, and unfortunately, received. So one of my main goals is to break down and explain some of the traditional pieces of advice that often leave people of all ages frustrated, especially young people–who we tell constantly to “listen up” and “work hard” and follow advice of almost everyone around them, even though some of it is thoughtless, silly and downright detrimental. And sometimes giving empty, ill thought-out advice is worse than none at all. With this thought in mind, today, I’d like to break down, from my humble vantage point, what one of the most over-used, actually under-utilized phrases and singular pieces of advice (and business strategy) means to me. This advice is to follow-up. “You wouldn’t be looked over if you followed-up.” “If you want something, you have to follow-up.” “Did you follow-up?” “I was waiting for you follow-up.” And one million other uses we hear, literally, on the hour, every hour. But what does it actually mean to follow-up? And how do you do it properly? My simple definition of follow-up is: to remind, poke, prod and otherwise engage a party or parties until the desired decision is arrived at. Notice I didn’t say “a” decision, I said “desired decision.” This is because if you weren’t following up to get something you wanted, why bother following up or initiating the conversation or exchange at all? Hope could work. Not! Simply, you follow up until the other party says “yes” or, “drop dead!” And even with “drop dead”, at least you can move on! Nothing besides these two answers count....
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An Open Letter to ALL Fast Food Restaurants That Penalize Customers For Liking to Dip. Dear Fast Food Restaurants: You are alienating me and a large portion of your customer base. I like sauce. I like to dip various components of my meal in sauce; not just chicken nuggets, chicken strips or chicken wings. I didn’t think this was an outrageous request. I spent my hard earned money at your establishment. Your service was ok, I guess. But when I asked for more sauce or some sauce, I saw a different side of your staff. I was mocked. I was jeered. I was side-eyed for my love of dipping. I asked why and you told me sauce is only for this or that. Have you forgotten the age old adage: the customer is always right? Now I get it, and I’m wise enough and mature enough to understand that the customer clearly isn’t always right. Me included. But what I will say is that they are ALMOST always right, especially when making REASONABLE requests of you and your establishment. Extra sauce would certainly, in my book, fall squarely within this realm. Let’s examine two of the main anti-fast food chains who have bucked the fairly recent trend of extra-sauce-shaming made popular by such fast food behemoths as McDonald’s, Burger King, and Popeyes to name a few. (I also acknowledge I’m giving way too much information about my eating habits lol.) Those two “other” chains would be Chipotle and Chick-Fil-A. A recent report was published that indicated Chick-Fil-A’s sales have now surpassed KFC and CFA is only open 6 days a week and has about 50% fewer stores! Now KFC isn’t necessarily in the extra-sauce-shaming business but I think it’s interesting commentary on how if you don’t adapt AND treat your customers royally, your business can die or at least whither before dying. Oh, and by the way, I can ask for 10 extra sauces at CFA and get. Every. Single. One. Now let’s look at probably my favorite anti-fast food establishment, Chipotle. They charge extra for nothing!!!! And at the time of this writing, their stock price was...
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How many times has doubt swept over you? How many times have you figuratively or literally banged your head against the wall because your friends, family, or both haven’t gotten on board or given you the ringing vote of confidence you thought you deserve? Before I give you my answer, I’ll dispel the common wisdom right now. It’s actually not them. It’s you. Unfortunately, you’ve conditioned them to only half believe you. This is because you’ve done things in a half way before. You’ve conditioned them to only half trust you, because you’ve only half trusted yourself for so long. You have conditioned those who should be your biggest fans and supporters and cheerleaders to watch from the sidelines wondering if you’ll finish, because you’ve started so many things and never finished many of them. It’s not their fault their belief is low. It’s yours. Now the question remains, what will you do about it? In my short time on the planet, I’ve discovered that the only sure fire way to turn doubters into supporters, and neutral family members into raving lunatics on your behalf, is CONSISTENCY. The other thing that I know, and know well (and you do too, if you’re honest) is that things never just change for the better on their own. So back to consistency: do not quit; do not give the indication it’s crossed your mind; talk about and do nothing else except what you said you would. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. We get so excited about the first new shiny object for the fifth time this month and expect for everyone we know to magically jump on board at the drop of a hat. That’s not realistic, and quote frankly, it tires them out. How about we find one thing, check it out a bit, and then throw ourselves into it. After we’ve vetted it, taken the time to understand it and can speak to it, now we can spread our enthusiasm for it. Maybe even give yourself time to achieve a small win with it and you’ll be that much further along when it comes time to deal with the naysayers, for surely they will come. “First they’ll ask you what you’re doing,...
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Of course we’re all familiar with the nature inspired reflex to remove, systematically and hopefully thoroughly, the physical clutter that fills our personal spaces. Our desks, bedrooms, laundry rooms and garages alike. But how many of us take the time to clear the mental clutter from our most precious area–our mind–is a much different story. I’ll be the first to openly admit I have more than a few personality traits I need to purge, and purge now. This “mental spring cleaning” of the personality can actually be done anytime, but when better to do it than now? The flowers are starting to bloom again, my landscaper just called to schedule the first grass cutting, there’s more sunlight each day and the birds are singing beautifully in the morning. So let’s take this time to take stock of how our personality looks to those we interact with, and let’s make the pact to be better. Here are a couple personality traits you might want to get rid of, along with some of that physical clutter; I know I do! 1. Being Judgmental or Overly Critical. We each have something that we do, that we’re not proud of. We’ve all done things in the past that we wouldn’t necessarily broadcast to people we’re just meeting. Why, then, do we turn right around and bring attention to the next person for their faults? And I don’t mean just silently judge the person or chastise them under our breath. So many people go and talk to the next person instead of giving the person in question the benefit of the doubt, or giving that person the benefit of the doubt AND some feedback to help. Or do we not actually care about them? It’s much easier to just judge what the next person does that you don’t agree with, instead of being quiet, and/or initiating a conversation with this person to find out why they may have done what they did. Do this, but don’t judge them! People who are overly critical can, ironically, be among the worst at accepting their own faults, but have the nerve to talk about someone else. This doesn’t win you any friends. It actually makes you critical...
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